You've Changed

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it’s a matter of choice.
— lifehack.org

Change is the only thing that’s constant in life, yet change is hard because we are creatures of habit. The unknown is scary so often we choose not to change unless things are unbearable.

Years ago, I was struggling with an eating disorder. I was still in “functioning mode”, meaning I was still showing up to work and social gatherings.

Don’t get me wrong - I was in hell. But I was also very comforted by the feeling of control I had and, since I was in “functioning mode,” days, weeks and years went by with no change. No change would come until things got really bad. My mental fog reached an all time high, my energy diminished, and some tests came back to tell me my liver and kidneys weren’t functioning properly. This scare forced me into a rehab centre. The rehab experience created a huge change in my life, and my recovery began there. I guess I needed that wake up call, as hard as it was, and I’m lucky I got it.

A big part of our journey in this life involves change and growth. The struggle makes us stronger. Some changes are unfortunately going to have to come with a big loud change siren, like the one I had, and save you from whatever hole you’ve slipped down into. Other times, and if you’re lucky, you’re creating your own waves of change, sort of reading the signals and doing the shifting before the giant rehab flag is required. Second option is the one I recommend.

These days I’d say I’m open to change, maybe even excited by the idea. I still tend to err on the side of caution. I weigh my odds. I ask myself if I’m where I want to be. I think about the direction I see for my life and the way I want to exist in the world and create a change where and when it’s needed. I reach out for support and a fresh perspective when I need it; just to be sure I don’t quit my job when I’m overtired.

Whatever happens, don’t let fear of change stop you from going after your dreams. I know I don’t want to look back on life and wish I had the guts to do those things I never did.